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Writer's pictureNeal McIntyre

The Surprising Reason Your Team Isn't Listening


Ever feel like your team just tunes you out? You’re not alone—and there's a reason why.


I’ve spoken with countless leaders who’ve voiced their frustrations. They’ve tried advising their teams on how to treat others, communicate, and build better relationships, whether it’s with coworkers, customers, vendors, or clients. And while their teams nod along in agreement, nothing seems to change. Their behaviors stay the same, and progress stalls.


So what’s going on? Why is this such a common problem?


I’ve been called in to help guide these teams, and here’s the interesting part: I often say the exact things their bosses have already said. Yet, somehow, the team listens to me more. And—here’s the kicker—their behaviors actually change.


Why does this happen? Why do teams ignore advice from their own leaders, only to listen when it comes from someone else? The answer often lies in a process that’s been short-circuited.


The Usual Suspects


When I dig deeper into these situations, I usually find three recurring issues. Leaders and HR professionals often say things like, "I don’t know why they don’t listen!" or "They’re just being difficult!" or worse, "Maybe I’ve just got a bad team!"


I get the frustration. But more often than not, the root of the problem isn’t with the team—it’s with us, the leaders. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but the sooner we admit it, the faster we can fix it.


So, how can you ensure your team takes your advice seriously? How can you position yourself to positively influence others? It boils down to mastering these three essential qualities.


Be Genuine


No one likes dealing with something—or someone—that’s fake. This is especially true in leadership. People respond to authenticity. If your team feels you’re genuine, that you care about them as people, they’re more likely to follow your lead.


Take time to build personal relationships with your team. Know their hobbies, interests, families, and let them know the real you too. When you show you care about them as individuals, they’ll care about what you have to say. Authenticity fosters trust, and trust is the foundation of influence.


Be Consistent


We’ve all had those "do as I say, not as I do" leaders, and we know how ineffective that approach is. To earn the respect of your team, your actions must align with your words. If you want them to treat others with respect, show them what that looks like in how you treat them.


Your behavior sets the tone for your team. If you’re inconsistent or hypocritical, don’t be surprised if your team mirrors that behavior in their interactions with customers or clients. Consistency between what you preach and what you practice is key.


Instill Confidence


If your team doesn’t trust you, why would they listen to you? It doesn’t matter how experienced or skilled you are—if you’re unreliable, you’ve already lost them.


You don’t need to have all the answers, but you do need to show that when you say you’ll do something, you’ll follow through. If you’ve made promises in the past that you didn’t keep, now’s the time to rebuild that trust. Be intentional. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Every commitment matters.


The Bottom Line


These three qualities—genuineness, consistency, and instilling confidence—might seem basic, but they’re often where leaders fall short. Just like in sports, when a team is struggling, the coach takes them back to the fundamentals. The same goes for leadership. If your team isn’t listening to you, there’s likely a breakdown in the basics.


By focusing on these fundamentals, you’ll notice a shift. Your team will respond more positively to your advice, productivity will improve, and your organization will thrive. Remember, your team responds to who you truly are—not just the role you play.


So, show up as your genuine, consistent, and confident self, and watch how your leadership influence grows.

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